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Predictions for 2012 - Part 1

Wednesday 4th January 2012

January/February – After naming Steven Gerrard man of the match against Newcastle despite only playing 30 minutes, Sky Sports confirm their undying love of Gerrard by declaring that 2012 will be known as the 'Year of the Gerrard'. Every man of the match award will be automatically given to him unless either a hat-trick is scored or he comes up against Scott Parker, in which case the award will be shared.

Harry Redknapp applies to appear at his court case via satellite link as the case coincides with the end of the transfer window. He is contractually obliged to sit in his car, on his phone, with his window down at the Tottenham training ground for the entire last week of January.

With his own court case due John Terry starts dating Didier Drogba's wife in a last gasp PR attempt to prove he is not racist. Because nothing bad has ever come of dating a team mates wife/girlfriend has it, oh wait...

After a roller coaster run of results for Blackburn at the end of December the pattern continues throughout January. They go on to beat Newcastle away, lose to Fulham at home and then beat Everton away. The cases of bi-polar in the Blackburn go up ten fold as the fans can't decide whether they love Steve Kean or whether they want him to suffer the same fate as many a chicken has at the hands of the Venkys. However, in a show of club solidarity they all get together to celebrate Yakubu's 50th birthday.

Valencia beat Stoke convincingly on a cold, wet Thursday night in the Europa League. However, this still doesn't stop the odd moron ringing into Five Live saying 'Ah but could Barcelona do it in Stoke on a cold, wet TUESDAY night?'.

Geoff Shreeves brave venture into Twitter comes to an abrupt end when EVERY single professional footballer blocks him because he is a pest and an utter cretin.

Paul Richards

Total articles: 3

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